2. Poison -- "Talk Dirty to Me": No surprise here as the quintessential hair band of the 80s comes in with arguably it's more identifiable hit. Not to say this was Poison's biggest hit, that would be "Every Rose Has Its Thorn", but this was the song that started the Peak of Poison and led to several other hits including "Nothing But a Good Time" (which was highly considered for the position), "Unskinny Bop"...which bares the question..what the hell is an unskinny bop? And, of course, another power ballad with "Something to Believe In".

Don't be mistaken, despite a very overtly glam style, the boys from Mechanicsburg, PA were very successful.



This was Poison at its finest. The band members still geniunely liked each other at this point...or they were all high beyond belief. On second thought it's probably both. Either way some of my fave hair band video staples include the three-man bumrush towards the camera during the intro of the song.

Labels: Hair Band Countdown

3. Warrant -- "Heaven": This was originally going to be "Cherry Pie" but when Kellie questioned the status of Tesla, I knew I needed a true blue power ballad to round this countdown out.

So what can be said about Warrant that hasn't already been said about Republicans, Bill O'Reilly, castor oil and anything else that sucks? Another L.A.-based glam metal band that was heavy into groupies, drugs, alcohol, fights with other bands (especially Poison...did anyone not in Poison actually like Poison?).

That being said I can't argue with success and songs that made me long for the early days of high school. "Heaven" would be one of those and while it doesn't have the same memories of "Love Song" (ahhh Jenny Gough), it is the ultimate power ballad (yes it's better than "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" and no I will not argue that).

Apparently Warrant is still doing their thing but without lead vocalist Jani Lane, which technically means the band is extinct since Warrant IS friggin Jani Lane!

Anyway we're going to switch up the videos and give you a LIVE performance from the 1989 MTV Video Music Awards. Enjoy

Labels: Hair Band Countdown

4. Ratt -- "Round and Round": Only two groups embraced the L.A. glam metal hair scene better than Ratt (I'll let you guess who both of them are). Created by Stephen Pearcy, I pretty much though Ratt fell off the face of the earth in the late 80s, early 90s with the earth politely saying "thank you".

But a trip to Wikipedia shows me that these guys have pretty much been reuniting, bitching, reuniting again, bitching some more and reuniting one last time since about 1990. Oh yeah one of them died in a heroin overdose, which was originally claimed to be AIDS because you know, dying from banging groupies is much more honorable than dying from needled-induced narcotics.

None the less, here's Ratt at its finest.



Man how hard up for cash was Milton Berle to volunteer to do this video. Was Johnny Carson pissed at him or something?

Labels: Hair Band Countdown

Winger -- "Medley": Now there's NO question that this is a hair band. Hell these guys lived and breathed the hair-band area. Talentless hacks you say? Well maybe, but I think their drummer is actually like a professor at Berkeley or something.

Anyway, I can't get enough of these guys and Kip Winger might've been the best hair-band lead singer ever when it came to performing in a music video. Count the number of pirohuettes that he does in an average song. Like 50? Plus don't you love how he stops playing bass and spins the minute the camera is on him, like he's hiding his riffs or something.

Now the reason for the medley is because I can't decide which Winger song I like better. Technically they had four "hits" but "Seventeen" is the definitive song due to the disturbing topic of Kip, who was at least 33, digging on a 17-year-old groupie.



However, I'm more partial to "Madalaine" because I think it's a better song...although I wonder if Kip is singing about the same chick in both songs...Anyway, the video is WAY more cheesy and fun (and cheesier than "Seventeen" is saying something). Kip is at the peak of his full smile, pirohuetting glory and the band just seems like they are having the time of their lives. Think any drugs were involved?

Labels: Hair Band Countdown

Ok, this isn't part of the countdown due to a dissenting opinion, so I'm leaving it to you, my few and faithful readers, to tell me whether this band is classified as hair or not.

Tesla.

Quick disclosure. I fucking love Tesla. "Love Song" is a personal fave of mine, mostly because of the wonderful memories from ninth grade (ahhh Jenny Gough...still very cute to this date). However, my good friend Kellie disputes Tesla's hair status. Actually first she called them a one-hit wonder, which is just...wrong! Tesla had TWO hits.

Anyway, the song that was going to be No. 3 on this countdown is officially off the list. However, for me and every other dude in high school who thought about someone when this song came on I give you the complete version of "Love Song".

Labels: Hair Band Countdown

8. Lita Ford -- "Kiss Me Deadly": Technically Lita Ford isn't a hair band, she's just a groupie gone good. Ok, I don't know about her groupie history...but c'mon. Anyway, I definitely wanted a female presence on this countdown since...well females in the glam rock era were usually ignored unless they were involved in the post-show orgy. Still Lita shows she can glam it out with the best of them in this rock classic thus beating out her main competition, Vixen, who achieved chick glam rock status with "Edge of a Broken Heart."



Cute little diddy isn't it.

7. Britny Fox -- "Girlschool": One of the best guilty pleasure songs of glam rock era came from these swinging cats out of Philly. Long before the whole Britney Spears crazy with chicks wearing school girl outfits there was Britny Fox (Britney...Britny...hmmm, nah...just a coincidence). Anyway, the truth is I actually kind of like this song. There are a few on here I like a little more, but all things considered, I feel like this song would be a hit on today's radio.



Ok, that whole thing about liking this song or feeling like it would be a hit on today's radio...total bullshit. But the key to the song is the gratuitous amount of chicks dancing around. A glam classic :)

Labels: Hair Band Countdown

10. Queensryche -- Silent Lucidity: When I thought of where to kick start this countdown it had to be with Queensryche. While most hair bands are about drugs, alcohol, chicks, driving Corvettes and Rave hair spray, Queensryche was different. They were the smart man's hair band and they hit topics like gun control and preserving the environment. Real deep stuff. So you knew if any group could bring the power to the power ballad it's Queensryche. They bring the guitars, they bring the orchestra and they bring out some heartfelt lyrics that could bring tears to any man. I present Silent Lucidity!



Beautiful isn't it.

9. Slaughter -- Up All Night: Now we're going to the total opposite end of the spectrum here. All those things that Queensryche is about...you know gun control, environment, weird dreams and shit...Well Slaughter isn't about any of that crap. I'm still convinced "Fly to the Angels" is about a cocaine overdose. Anyway, this song has no real deep meaning. It's about partying all night, sleeping all day and doing it all over again. Gotta love those glam rockers.



Now this is a glam video. The drum set is like 500 pieces. Bunch of chicks dancing, dude spinning around and jumping and shit. It's just great. How did this genre of music die?

More tomorrow.

Labels: Hair Band Countdown

...and this is a special one for this community as one of the members of my virtual blog network has decided that he can no longer be the man he used to be.

Curmudgeon is dead. It's a tough loss, but this is a good thing as he's found new reasons to live (namely a woman...but I'm sure he got a raise or something as well). So as my Christmas gift to him and truly everyone in the network, but mainly him, I'm going through with my final countdown of the year. Only 10 songs for me, no weird odd numbers because I ain't got time for it.

However the theme is more important than the number because these ten songs are:

THE TOP 10 HAIR BAND JAMS!

You might not know this about me, but I've got a wild side. I've got a crazy side. Sometimes I want to do nothing more then wake up to the melodious sounds of Trixster on my iPod. Now granted most of the time it's Kanye West or John Legend or Al Green or someone talented, but every now and then I need to scream and enjoy a bunch of pasty white guys twirling and wearing half shirts while singing about diddling with underage chicks (i.e. Kip Winger).

However, before I decided to venture into this countdown, I had to define which bands are "hair" and which bands are just good rock bands. Here's the verdict on some bands that seem to walk the line between "hair" and "legit".

Guns-N-Roses: Rock
Warrant: Hair
Motley Crue: Hair (this was a toughie)
Aerosmith: Rock with receding hair
Poison: Hair
Journey: Crappy music with hair
Metallica: Bitter Rock

You get the general idea. I have to be done with this by Christmas Eve so I can have fun with a spoofy Year in Review before I ring in 2007.

Labels: Hair Band Countdown

...and one of the reasons why I love visiting Lifehacker on a daily basis. Today one of their tips is how to digitize your cassettes because we all know we've got some old tapes and we've probably made a few for some chick (or some dude in the ladies cases) that we dug back in the junior high school days.

Plus it's good for Mudge to keep all of his old White Lion tapes from going extinct since god willing they don't sell any of that awful music in a bonafide music store :).

Seriously if you have important things on cassette and you want to move them to your PC or iPod or whatever. Check this out.